He did not hold my hand as gently as before. His face was as pale as death, as we walked down the street at the beginning of nightfall. I was wearing my brown velvet hat that he loved. He pulled his hand away from mine, “what’s wrong?”, I cried. I stood still in fear as he walked towards me. “I know what you have done!”
Wait, what is that? He pulled something black and mysterious from his coat, in a blink of an eye, I was gone, he will carry that shame around forever and my manky hat.
sjbteachingkids 
Sally-Jayne (Team 100WC)
/ December 5, 2011What a great way to start your story Caitlin. Straight away I wanted to know who these two people were, and what had happened to make him hold her hand less tenderly. I also like the idea of him having to carry his shame around forever. Have a look at this part of your story now, and see if you can work out how to correct the punctuation: He pulled his hand away from mine, “what’s wrong?”, I cried.
Mrs Halford(Team 100WC)
/ December 6, 2011Hello Caitlin, I loved your 100WC entry. Your characters were well described and made the reader want to know more about them. Hope to read more of your writing,well done.
Yvonne Keen
/ December 6, 2011Caitlin, this is a great piece of writing. Straightaway, you get drawn into the story and the characters. There is great tension and it makes you want to know more. What has happened before? What is the story between these two characters? I really like the use of the word “manky” for the hat. Really well done.